[luluxa]

Опять фик по Блейкам, опять пост Гауда Прайм, опять хреновый английский, кто не спрятался, я не виноват
Jay J. Hart, а лучше не читай, и сохрани обо мне хорошее мнение, как о фанартисте

His wound was still pretty bad, and the doctor restricted him to move anywhere apart from the bathroom, but Blake had to speak to Avon. He knew it all was just a horrible mistake, but Deva seemed to think otherwise and locked up Avon, his crew, and Arlen till Blake’s further orders. Blake sneaked (or, more likely, heavily stumped) past the medical office, trying to avoid any personnel, and hoped he won’t loose his consciousness half the way to the cells.
‘’I’m not letting you in alone, Blake.’’ Rem, the guard at the prison unit’s door told him strictly, when he finally reached his destination. ‘’You’re barely alive as it is.’’
‘’It was a misunderstanding. Nothing is going to happen to me.’’ Blake was more stubborn than Rem, and more determined. He also wasn’t particularly keen on standing there any longer, for he most certainly was going to pass out in a few minutes, if not offered a seat.
Rem gave him a skeptical look, but opened the door. ‘’I’ll come in with you, then. Someone will have to catch you when you’ll drop unconscious, after all.’’
‘’I’ll shout if things will go ugly. Stay outside.’’ Blake tried a firm stare and failed, judging by the Rem’s expression. ‘’I’ll call for help if I’ll need it, don’t worry. I don’t want to die yet, I discovered it’s an unpleasant experience.’’
Rem hesitated another second, but opened Avon cell’s door at last and came in first. ‘’Don’t try anything there, Avon, or you’ll be dead the next moment.’’
Avon barely turned his head, still not seeing Blake behind the guard, probably expecting another round of questioning. Well, Blake hoped it was questioning and not interrogation, as he ordered the minute he woke up. Finally, Rem moved away, letting Blake in, but not closing the door.
‘’I don’t have anything else to tell.’’ Avon told the wall, not turning around. His voice was hollow, and his whole figure radiated defeat and weariness. Blake closed the door, not listening to Rem’s protests, then walked slowly to the cot and sat down, his head spinning and his stomach aching, not only because of the physical wound.
‘’I believe you have, Avon.’’ That made Avon freeze and then spin around, something like fear on his face. Blake was too dizzy to tell for sure.
‘’Blake.’’ He whispered, torn between reaching for him, and backing away. Now he was definitely scared. ‘’I’ve killed you!’’
‘’No you haven’t. But only just. Will you try to do it again?’’ Avon made a broken noise, not really smiling and not really crying, something Blake never expected and never wanted to see. ‘’Tell me Avon, do you still believe I have betrayed you?’’
‘’No.’’ Blake barely heard his whisper, leaning in to see his face.
‘’I’m not blaming you and I won’t punish you, no matter what others seem to think.’’ This statement made Avon laugh, bitter and quite a mad sound.
‘’I tried to kill you. And you’re still trusting me?’’
‘’I said before and I can repeat it – I’ve always trusted you – ‘’
‘’No matter what I do?’’ Avon cut in, looking up. He was no longer on a verge of breaking, just tired and angry. ‘’You’re as idiotically idealistic as ever.’’
Blake couldn’t not smile at this. ‘’That at least has to assure you that I haven’t changed. And I also can say that you haven’t changed either.’’
Avon stared at him for a good minute, disbelief and annoyance slowly turning into a bitter smile. The look in his eyes remained naked and vulnerable, Blake noticed, still not adjusted to seeing him alive. ‘’What do you want from me, Blake?’’
‘’Can you trust me enough to stay with me?’’
Avon turned away, looking down at his hands. He shot me, Blake suddenly remembered. He shot me, point blank, over and over again, insanity written all over him.
‘’Can you trust me enough to allow me to stay?’’ Avon asked quietly, like reading his mind.
Blake frowned. Deliberately, cold-mindedly, Avon would never do him any harm. But he shot him, too far gone in his paranoia to tell who’s a friend and who’s an enemy.
‘’I don’t even trust myself.’’ Avon said again, thinking in sync with Blake. At least that they still could do.
Blake wasn’t any better, though, trusting too much, as Avon was trusting too little.
‘’I’ll do all the trusting, then. I was always better at this than you were, anyway.’’
‘’You indeed are a fool.’’ Avon spoke softly, focusing on him. ‘’But I’ll stay with you.’’
Blake grinned at him genuinely, noticing that his belly doesn’t hurt all that bad anymore.
‘’You are going to pass out, aren’t you?’’ He heard Avon’s voice through the cotton in his ears. ‘’Couldn’t you at least wait until you’re not about to collapse on spot?’’
‘’A bit hypocritical of you to worry about that now.’’ Blake shook his head, trying to shoo away black spots flying around him. He felt Avon’s fingers on his throat, but couldn’t panic, thoughts slow and messy. After a moment he realized Avon was checking his pulse, which made him smile nervously. That didn’t escape Avon, like nothing else did.
‘’Don’t trust me, Blake. I don’t want you dead, but I can reach the point when I won’t be able to remember about that.’’
‘’Then we just have to prevent you from reaching it.’’ Avon’s hands on him seemed to stabilize his swaying consciousness, like it always happened before. Avon was the best back-up he ever had, back-up and grounding force, and even being mad, Avon still could offer him a perspective on the fact how close he was standing to the edge. He didn’t see Arlen’s betrayal, he didn’t see Tarrant’s destructive potential, and he didn’t spot Avon’s breaking point. He was searching for his people himself, but he wasn’t working with them, wasn’t allowing himself to get close to anyone. That made him blind to changes, he lost his ability to predict people’s reactions. He couldn’t even predict Avon, and there was time when he was attuned to Avon the sharpest way possible.
Blake turned to him, aware of Avon’s intent eyes on him, evoking the feeling of being studied, evaluated and challenged, he almost forgot about. He liked this feeling. ‘’We’ll be alright, Avon. We just never should’ve parted in the first place.’’
Avon smiled wryly, staying close, a weirdly comfortable absence of personal space that Blake also almost forgot about. ‘’I don’t want to agree with you, but I’m afraid this time you’re right.’’ He got silent for a minute, softly stroking Blake’s neck, probably not realizing it, thinking of something. Blake found himself wanting to kiss him. Not a new thought, but he didn’t want to kiss anyone for a long time. They seem to snap back out of their thought at the same moment, both amused and aware of each other. ‘’Are you planning to stay here for the night?’’ Avon finally asked him, not making a move that would suggest it would be a good idea for Blake to leave.
‘’No I’m not, and neither are you. Can you say for your crew that they will not make any trouble?’’
‘’All my crew? No one bothered to tell me, who survived and who didn’t.’’
‘’Dayna is dead, I’m afraid.’’ Blake said, and that finally caused Avon to stand up, turning away. He wondered, if Avon was close with her. ‘’I’m sorry.’’
‘’So am I.’’
‘’Vila, Tarrant and Soolin are fine, though.’’
‘’You’ve locked Vila up too?’’ Avon glanced back at him, eyebrows raised. ‘’That won’t make him and others any more trusting you.’’
‘’That wasn’t me, Deva’s in command for now. He wasn’t accepting my orders while I still was under the heavy sedatives.’’
‘’Ah. Well, at least someone is reasonable around here. And I suggest you return to the medical unit, while you still capable of it.’’ Avon smiled suddenly. ‘’Or are you? Alone?’’
Blake laughed at that, delighted. ‘’I believe Deva going to show up any minute now and take me back there strapped to a wheelchair. He’s worse than my mother sometimes.’’
‘’Don’t forget to tell him I’m not a prisoner anymore. I’ll deal with Tarrant and Soolin, but I suppose you’ll have to handle Vila yourself. He’s not very friendly to me these days.’’
‘’Did you try to kill him too?’’ Blake asked, joking, but Avon glanced up at him quickly, and once again he spotted an insane gleam in his eyes.
‘’Yes, I’m afraid I did. He’ll ask you to reconsider your decision. Maybe you should.’’
Maybe Blake should. But he was waiting for Avon to return for two years, more than ready to use his talents and sharp mind to expand the revolution, and also missing his ability to both slow him down and push him forward whenever necessary. He was missing everything about Avon, and even if he seemed to change a lot, Blake was sure they still was suiting each other just fine. He will learn to handle him once again, and he was sure that Avon would allow him, scared of himself no less than people around him were.
‘’I made my decision. I need you, Avon, and I think you need me too.’’ Blake rose up, swaying on his feat, and Avon was near him immediately, holding him tightly, one and only person in the universe who was able to make him feel protected. How could he not be wanting Avon back?
‘’Well, I wouldn’t call it need. Matter of a habit, perhaps.’’ Avon’s smile was comfortingly familiar, a bit arrogant, a bit teasing.
They’re going to be alright, Blake told himself again, and this time, he believed himself.